Obviously October

If you have a humorous story, a joke, or something funny to share.

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AnnonyMouse
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Obviously October

Post by AnnonyMouse »

Two statues in a park

There were two statues in a park, one of a naked man, and one of a naked woman. They had been facing each other for a hundred years across a pathway, when one day an angel comes down, and with a single gesture brings the two to life.

The angel tells them, “As a reward for being so patient through a hundred blazing summers and dismal winters, you have been given life for thirty minutes to do what you’ve wished to do the most.”

He looks at her, she looks at him, and they go running behind the shrubbery. The angel waits patiently as the bushes rustle and giggling ensues. After fifteen minutes, the two return, out of breath and laughing.
The angel tells them, “Um, you have fifteen minutes left, would you care to do it again?” He asks her “Shall we?” She eagerly replies, “Oh, yes, lets! But lets change positions. This time, I’ll hold the pigeon down and you crap on its head.”
Image
"Without geometry, life is pointless."
"Fishing should be so easy...bait taken every toss"
"With a sufficiently pretentious vocabulary, selected links and condescending know-it-all tone, you can prove anything."

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AnnonyMouse
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Re: Obviously October

Post by AnnonyMouse »

Image
Image
"Without geometry, life is pointless."
"Fishing should be so easy...bait taken every toss"
"With a sufficiently pretentious vocabulary, selected links and condescending know-it-all tone, you can prove anything."

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AnnonyMouse
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Joined: Fri May 29, 2020 9:58 pm
Location: Star Valley Ranch, WY

Re: Obviously October

Post by AnnonyMouse »

Image
Image
"Without geometry, life is pointless."
"Fishing should be so easy...bait taken every toss"
"With a sufficiently pretentious vocabulary, selected links and condescending know-it-all tone, you can prove anything."

User avatar
AnnonyMouse
Site Admin
Posts: 4234
Joined: Fri May 29, 2020 9:58 pm
Location: Star Valley Ranch, WY

Re: Obviously October

Post by AnnonyMouse »

Image
Image
"Without geometry, life is pointless."
"Fishing should be so easy...bait taken every toss"
"With a sufficiently pretentious vocabulary, selected links and condescending know-it-all tone, you can prove anything."

User avatar
AnnonyMouse
Site Admin
Posts: 4234
Joined: Fri May 29, 2020 9:58 pm
Location: Star Valley Ranch, WY

Re: Obviously October

Post by AnnonyMouse »

Shloimele moves to America and settles in Texas and goes to a big “everything under one roof” department store looking for a job.

The boss says, “Do you have any sales experience?”
The kid says “Yeah. I was a vacuum salesman back home.”

Well, the boss was unsure, but he liked the kid and figured he’d give him a shot, so he gave him the job. “You start tomorrow. I’ll come down after we close and see how you did.”

His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it.

After the store was locked up, the boss came down to the sales floor.
“How many customers bought something from you today?”
Shloimele frowns and looks at the floor and mutters, “One”.
The boss says, “Just one?!!? Our sales people average sales to 20 to 30 customers a day. That will have to change, and soon if you’d like to continue your employment here. We have very strict standards for our sales force here. One sale a day might have been acceptable back home, but you’re not on the farm anymore, son.”

Shloimele took his beating but continued to look at his shoes, so the boss felt kinda bad for chewing him out on his first day. He asked (semi-sarcastically), “So, how much was your one sale for?”

Shloimele looks up at his boss and says “$101,237.65′′.

The boss, astonished, says $101,237.65?!? What the heck did you sell?”
“Well, first, I sold him some new fish hooks. Then I sold him a new fishing rod to go with his new hooks. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin-engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn’t think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4×4 Expedition.”
The boss said,, “A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and a TRUCK!?”

“No, the guy came in here to buy tampons for his wife, and I said, ‘Dude, your weekend’s shot, you might as well go fishing.’”
Image
"Without geometry, life is pointless."
"Fishing should be so easy...bait taken every toss"
"With a sufficiently pretentious vocabulary, selected links and condescending know-it-all tone, you can prove anything."

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AnnonyMouse
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Joined: Fri May 29, 2020 9:58 pm
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Re: Obviously October

Post by AnnonyMouse »

Image
Image
"Without geometry, life is pointless."
"Fishing should be so easy...bait taken every toss"
"With a sufficiently pretentious vocabulary, selected links and condescending know-it-all tone, you can prove anything."

User avatar
AnnonyMouse
Site Admin
Posts: 4234
Joined: Fri May 29, 2020 9:58 pm
Location: Star Valley Ranch, WY

Re: Obviously October

Post by AnnonyMouse »

Image
Image
"Without geometry, life is pointless."
"Fishing should be so easy...bait taken every toss"
"With a sufficiently pretentious vocabulary, selected links and condescending know-it-all tone, you can prove anything."

User avatar
AnnonyMouse
Site Admin
Posts: 4234
Joined: Fri May 29, 2020 9:58 pm
Location: Star Valley Ranch, WY

Re: Obviously October

Post by AnnonyMouse »

Image
Image
"Without geometry, life is pointless."
"Fishing should be so easy...bait taken every toss"
"With a sufficiently pretentious vocabulary, selected links and condescending know-it-all tone, you can prove anything."

HA/KS
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Joined: Mon Jun 08, 2020 3:28 pm

Re: Obviously October

Post by HA/KS »

A man in Alberta wakes up one morning to find a bear on his roof. So he looks in the yellow pages and sure enough..there's an ad for "Alberta Bear Removers."

He calls the number and the man says he'll be over in 30 minutes.

The bear remover arrives and gets out of his van. He's got a ladder, a baseball bat, 12-gauge shotgun, and a mean heavily scarred old pit bull.

"What are you going to do?" the homeowner asks.

"I'm going to put this ladder up against the roof, then I'm going to go up there and I’ll knock the bear off the roof with this baseball bat. When the bear falls off the roof, the pit bull is trained to grab his testicles and not let go. The bear will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back of the van."

He then hands the shotgun to the homeowner.

"What's the shotgun for?" asks the homeowner.

"If the bear knocks me off the roof, shoot the dog."

HA/KS
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Re: Obviously October

Post by HA/KS »

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